So why don't I ever feel charged and catharted (catharsised? catheterised?) after giving in to the urge?
You don't want the background, trust me. A largely pointless discussion (polite) on an SCA-specific mailing list, with a side-issue that well and truly pushed my buttons. I bicycled home thinking it over and getting angrier at the implied dismissal of much of what I do and value, and ended up making a blackberry crumble really efficiently: cutting butter into flour when you're shaking with rage is surprisingly quick, though not particularly cathartic.
So today I posted on the side-issue. I managed to restrain the CAPSLOCKS OF RAGE and remove all the instances of effing-equivalents that appeared in the spoken drafts of said post. I kept to my point. I was sharp, but not outright rude, and I did not finish with SFTU N00B, even though I thought it really loudly.
And I did not feel better. Even though the worst-case scenario of response (banishment) would be both unlikely and, um, kinda welcome as an excuse not to do SCA-stuff for a reign or so but instead concentrate on writing. Mostly I feel kind of low and foreboding, and worried that I might have hurt someone's feelings. Not that I want to take anything back, just sick of the whole discussion, even more than I was before.
One of the side-effects of the methotrexate is supposed to be irritability, but I can hardly expect it to have kicked in after one dose Monday night, when the therapeutic effects are supposed to take weeks and months.
Damn but I want to be self-righteous. It must be so comfortable, compared to all these damned haverings.
2 comments:
Ah, SCA ranting. I remember it well.
Given your public persona for serenity and soft-spokeness on subjects academic, I would have been deeply intrigued by your private, expletive-filled rant.
For several reasons, I am not on any SCA mailing lists or forums, but I do occasionally get sent things that others think will be of special significance to me. One such is the recent post by Mistress Laurellen regarding entries for Kingdom A&S, and I was curious as to your take on the situation.
Here's what I posted on the laurel list regarding the one entrant=one entry thing:
These are the problems I have with this position:
First, it makes for a serious apples-to-oranges issue with judging different items. As I've said many many times when discussing and teaching about KA&S, it's hard to compare an apple to
an orange. It's a lot easier to compare one fruit-basket to another fruit-basket.
Second, to continue the basket analogy, if I only have one egg, I'm going to put it in one basket, and play safe. Who's going to stretch themselves and try something new when entering a new craft risks their chances?
Third, this is where the less-experienced entrants can cry foul. Since every 3d or 4th royal wants more laurels to enter KA&S, then the playing field is instantly LESS even, because the theoretical laurel entrants will be assumed to be entering whatever they got laurelled for.
Fourth, one of the wonderful things the A&S Champion can do is to encourage beginners who are trying a craft for the first time. It is invaluable to be able to do that from the standpoint of someone who has stretched themselves, and who has _recently_ tried something new and had
success with it.
Mark posted similarly, also addressing the lack of feedback that the county fair style of judging permits.
I has breached laurel sekuritee, teh alarms will go off presently. If you like, I'll tell you all at Swan.
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